No Frills or Bows 2015

As I sit here this morning, still in my pj's, drinking coffee and refusing to move forward with my day, I am reflecting upon 2015.  Last year at this time I imagined I would be sitting here with a smile upon my face with eager anticipation for 2016.  This year was supposed to be a year of positive changes, exciting new adventures and moving forward in a big way.  I had such great visions in my head and knew "this would be the year" for our farm and our family.  I just knew it.

You know what happened?  Our farm was flooded over and over again causing us to lose 80% of the crops planted.  We faced bug challenges, like the kind you read about in the Bible. Seriously.  We endured intense heat partnered with wet conditions which promoted plant diseases like blight. The bird flu hit an area farm which then shut down our egg sales for a while. Every piece of equipment we owned which aided in our gardening, broke.  I swear this.  This was the year we introduced a CSA program to our community.  Trying to ensure we provided quantity and quality to each and every member through these trials almost killed this farm girl.  

In addition, we faced some personal trials.  The kind that you can't hide or put in a box and pretend they don't exist.  The kind that deplete you and leave you feeling desperate and afraid.  The kind of trials that can break a person.  I struggled. I mean I really struggled to even get out of bed and face the day.  My feet felt heavy, my heart was empty and I felt my prayers weren't being heard.

I was reminded of how desperate I felt this summer as I talked to our youngest daughter, Aggie.  You see, we have a cross in the middle of our gardens to always remind us that God is the reason any of this life is possible. I made mention that it was time for another coat of weather protectant on the wood.  Aggie said "Yep, you can't let that cross get rotten mama.  That's your strong place.  That's where you went to cry about the beans and corn this summer. Remember how God met you there?"  I distinctly remember that day well.  It was the day I couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore.  I fell to my knees at the cross and cried out, no, SCREAMED to God "why?" I couldn't understand why any of this was happening.  

It was following my screaming fit, as I sat in the heat at the foot of the cross, that God did meet me there. He has always met me "there", wherever "there" might be. His love and provisions never stop. I was reminded of the new friendships forged this year with members of our community, other farmers and visionaries.  Individuals who supported us in word, prayers and actions.  I was reminded of Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another". The expectations of our farm customers forced us to keep moving forward, learning new techniques and striving for a better way of production.  Other farmers pushed us to implement processes to better our farm.

John 12:24 says it all, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."  

We were stripped of all and stretched beyond what we thought possible and it forced us to acknowledge God in the most pure and simple way.  He is our protector, our keeper, our friend, our provider.  I do not understand it all and don't claim to "get it", but I do understand this, all things work together.

I am grateful for every single person in our lives.  My thank you's are endless. This I know, my life is full of good people and a good God.  Many good things and fun times have happened this year as well.

As we enter into 2016, my expectations and plans are different.  Things have changed at our farm, within our family and inside of me.  I look forward to 2016 and all it brings.  This is the life of a farmer . . . planning, expecting, modifying, praying, changing, growing.  

Goodbye 2015.  

xoxo
Farmer Carrie
and the gang