We have had some fun on the farm lately "brewing" holiday cheer for gift giving. I thought you might enjoy this SUPER easy recipe for holiday guests.
FRUIT LIQUEUR
Ingredients:
4 cups fresh or frozen fruit
750 ml bottle vodka (I used Pearl brand - AMERICAN made)
2 cups sugar
Directions:
Equally split ingredients between 2 large mason jars. Screw lid and band on TIGHTLY. Shake and let sit on counter. Each day, I shook a bit and flipped the jar onto opposite end. If you miss a day it's not a big deal.
Leave for 30-60 days (or longer). The longer it "brews" the fruitier it gets. You can add more sugar if desired.
Besides drinking the liqueur straight out of the jar, you can use to add flavor to drinks such as tea. It's also a unique addition to fruit or dessert dishes. Try tossing a few berries together with liqueur and use as a topping for angel food cake. That's fine, you can thank me later!
For those of you who follow me on any social media page, you would think that I absolutely relish the holidays. I post pictures of our holiday baking, special projects, cozy days with hot cocoa, snuggling children, holiday decorating and "elf traditions". You will see the countless hours spent making "the perfect" gifts and trying to spread joy whenever possible. That's who you know.
Here's the reality . . . I dread the holidays. I mean, I try every single tactic to avoid facing the holidays head on. My hesitancy, no, it's not an obvious, look me in the eye kind of obvious, it's a little more subtle.
Leading up to the "big" holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, I feel absolutely overwhelmed by emotions. Some refer to these emotions as depression, I just call them what they are . . . joy stealers.
It all begins when we approach Halloween and I picture my Grandma Gregory visiting every single business in town that she can think of, just so she can wear her nightgown with little pumpkin buckets located over her chest and say "trick or treat" in her sweet granny voice all the while laughing at the uncomfortable predicament someone feels to place a candy in her "buckets". I then realize she is gone and these fond memories of her will not exist if I don't relay them to my children.
I think of all the Halloweens we have spent rushing home to dress up our children in weird costumes, just so they can get candy which they don't really eat and come home exhausted. I then realize the limited number of Halloweens we have left to spend with our kiddos. This year was our last official trick-or-treating year, crying and rejoicing at the same time.
It's kind of a downward spiral from there. I have to find things to busy my hands and my mind throughout the entire season. I find joy in all the traditions and memories I have from my family, yet I miss them deeply and greatly. I worry about a particular family member that is traveling her own path. I wonder where she is, if she is alright, if she knows how much we miss and love her, if she is safe and cared for. I often find myself crying in private, unable to hold it all in. Kind of like I am doing today. There are just some moments that take my breath away, no matter how I prepare myself.
I thought for sure this year would be different, that I knew what was ahead and how I could approach this holiday crap fest. I have busied myself with cooking, cleaning, eating, binge watching funny shows, making hundreds of jars of jams and jellies, loving on my kiddos. Today though, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. These looming thoughts about how I am 40 years old this year, recently lost my employment due to downsizing, just got rejected from a half dozen jobs because I am either over-qualified or don't carry a fancy degree - what does that even mean? I miss some people in my life and no matter how many people are around me, I still feel like I am standing in a room alone. Shame on me, I have let negativity in.
I know what I have to do. I have to face all of these thoughts and fears head on. They won't go away unless I tackle them. I won't be taking this holiday season as a big chunk of crap pie, just trying to survive. I will be taking this holiday season day-by-day. I will cry when I need to, even if someone is standing next to me. I will laugh as I want, even if it's not funny. I will call a friend when I am having a difficult day. I will scoop myself off the floor when I don't feel like I can. I might pray a little harder some days and just not pray on other days, knowing that God hears my silence and is still present. I won't hate myself when I have an extra slice of pie and I will be proud when I choose an apple over the pie. I might drink an extra glass of wine or a 3rd cup of coffee if that's what it takes. I might even scrub the bathroom floor with a toothbrush if it allows for me to breathe through the moment. I won't look at my current situation as a failure, but I will be grateful for all God has allowed for me to enjoy and for the support and love of my family.
So, for those of you who can relate to any of this, just know, you are not alone. You are loved and cherished, even when you can't see it or feel it. Nobody in your life wants you to suffer or feel sadness, nor do they want you to go through any of this alone. Reach out to someone, ANYONE and let them know what you are going through. Let them love you or just listen to you.
I know I can't escape the holidays and all that it brings to me, but I do know that today, I will cry and cook and clean and do whatever it takes to handle today.
Much love to you from this farm girl.
